May Seem Challenging If Your Not Ready
All dating situations can be challenging in their own way and dating after divorce is no different. In this scenario there is a lot more to take into consideration than just where you will go for your date.
One of the best things you can do before you start dating after divorce is to make sure you are totally ready. For most people, it is a bad idea to start dating before the divorce is official. Some people start dating while they are separated but this is probably not the ideal situation in most cases.
Let’s face facts, if you start dating while you are separated you are technically committing adultery since you are still married. Probably not the best way to set off on this new phase of your life.
On the other hand, you do have to take your unique situation into account. In some cases, one spouse will try to drag the divorce on for years and hold the other one hostage.
If this is your situation, starting to date at some time may not be so bad. It is difficult to put your life on hold any further just because of a difficult soon to be ex spouse. Only you can determine which path is best for you.
So, how do you decide that the time is right to go out and start dating again? That is a very individual question that you have to answer for yourself but I can tell you what not to do when trying to figure it out….
1. Don’t rely on family and friends pushing you to “get back out there”. They mean well, but they don’t necessarily know what is best for you, they only know what they think is best for you.
Ultimately only you can decide when you think you are truly ready to love again.
2. Don’t rely on some stupid mathematical equation either. I’ve heard people say that you should mourn the loss of a relationship for so many weeks for every year the two of you were together.
That may (or may not) work as a general rule of thumb but that is all it should ever be. Everyone is different and you don’t want to rush through the grieving stage as unpleasant as it is.
If you don’t allow yourself to grieve over your lost relationship you are far more likely to carry around that baggage with you into your next relationship. Not a good idea.
3. Don’t rush. Take some time on your own. Even if the marriage was basically a good one and the two of you just grew apart, you will still have issues that should be dealt with.
If there was any type or level of abuse in the relationship you will have even more issues that should be dealt with before you move on.
Again, failing to deal with these issues will doom you to repeat your mistakes in your next relationship. Probably not what you want.
Take these things into consideration before you decide to start dating after divorce. If you just don’t seem to be moving on at all you may want to find a counselor to help you sort it all out.
If you are recently divorced and are thinking about entering the dating world again there are some things you need to think about. Let’s face it, a divorce can be a tramatic experience for all those involved and jumping into the dating scene can be more than many divorcees are ready to deal with. The only one who will know if you are truly ready to start dating after a divorce is you, but here are some things to consider before you go on that first date.
1. Are you ready to date after your divorce? This is where you have to take stock of your own emotions and what it is you are looking for after getting divorced. Only you can really answer this question but something to think about is why do you want to start dating again. Are you lonely and think that dating again will help fill that void left by your ex-spouse? If this is the case you may not be ready, because the person you date may not fulfill your expectations, particularly if you do not know what it is you want out of a new relationship. If you look at it from the point of asking yourself what you want from a new relationship you may find it easier to make a decision about dating after your divorce.
2. What’s your confidence level when it comes to dealing with someone in a dating relationship? For many people just getting through their divorce is rough. You have to ask yourself are you ready to deal with someone on that emotional level again. One important question you have to ask yourself is are you confident enough in yourself that any let down or rejection during your foray into dating will not damage your emotional state.
3. What kind of person are you going to date? Your tendancy may be to try and find someone who is the complete opposite of your ex-spouse. While this may sound good if you think about it it’s probably not a good idea. Why? You were attracted to your ex-spouse for a variety of reasons. Because your marriage didn’t work doesn’t mean that you didn’t like some of the things that attracted you to your ex in the first place. You need to accept people for who they are, not who they remind you of.
4. Be prepared for let downs? It will be hard not to compare anyone you date to your ex-spouse. It will make it even more difficult if that someone you are dating seems to do some of the things that your ex used to do that drove you crazy. Realize that most of the time they will be unaware that they are doing something that reminds you of your ex-spouse. If you really like this new person in your life give them a chance, because what you see and think may not be what they intend for you to see and think. It is hard for them to overcome the demons of your past relationship if you do not give them that chance.
Don’t be afraid to enter into the dating world after your divorce, but at the same time you need to know who you are and have the confidence to find what you are comfortable with when it comes to dating. Trust yourself to make the right choice and chances are you will thrive as you begin your new life dating after divorce.