Have you ever had a person in your life who literally thrived on playing the blame game? You know the ones that are constantly belly aching that it’s your fault? Then you actually believe them, so you play the game of fixing all of their problems! You become the rescuer? I did! I didn’t realize it at the time of course because that is a life lesson that I was working on mastering and boy did we play a good game together! We danced in victim consciousness together creating disaster after disaster for ten years! He created, I rescued! He created, I rescued! Then one day he got himself in another situation (and of course this was all my fault!) I was so sick and tired of continually putting forth all my energy into fixing his problems that I threw in the towel. I quit. That’s the day the light bulb came on! I realized that I was not allowing him to take responsibility for his own life. I was doing him the worst service possible. I was dis-empowering him! I was taking his power away by fixing all his problems not to mention dis-empowering myself! That’s the day I gladly, and I mean gladly, handed him his life back on a gold lined platter! Ahh to peace once again!
Blamers are people that refuse to take any kind of responsibility for their own lives. When things go wrong in their life they tend to blame other people. Whether something goes wrong at home, work or school they try to find someone else to blame. I have found they tend to blame those that love them the most. Why? Because these will be the first people to ‘fix’ their problems and become their rescuers. Blamers will rarely admit to their own problems. Typically the statements you will hear from them are “It wasn’t my fault.” “How was I suppose to know?” “It’s your fault.” etc. Their dialogue usually goes something like this. “If only you had done something differently, then I wouldn’t be in the predicament that I’m in. It’s your fault.”
By blaming other people for the problems in their life, they become powerless to change anything. Their thoughts hold them in victim consciousness. They believe and hold thoughts of:
• I cannot change my life.
• I am a victim of circumstance.
• I am a victim of my past.
• Life is hard.
• There is always more work to be done.
• Plus numerous other ones.
In order to move past this, they must begin to think differently. They must change themselves. We all know by now, that we can’t change anyone but ourself, right? We can’t change the blamer, we can only work on changing ourself and our reaction to the blamer. I learnt that I needed to stop being the rescuer! We know it’s not our fault, so no more fixing it! How far are you willing to sacrifice yourself for someone else’s problem? That’s a tough question, but how low will you go? Take a tough love stance and let them take responsibility for their own life. They created it. They need to learn whatever it is that they have created so let them experience it themselves! If this is a spouse or child, it’s even harder because nine times out of ten, the problem effects your marriage and your family. I’m certainly not saying this is going to be a walk in the park! It isn’t easy but you have to stand your ground the second they present their next problem to you. Ask them what ‘they’ are going to do about ‘their’ problem. A temper tantrum will likely ensue, leave the room if you have to and don’t send negative energy back into the cycle! Come back to it after they have completed their dramatic hissy fit. This is an excellent opportunity for you to learn the limits on your boundaries and also stretch your compassionate detachment muscles! All very empowering tasks and ones that will bring empowerment knocking on your door.
Knowing beforehand that this is a repetitive cycle where both people are getting their desired energy fix, will make it easier to remain de-attached to the blamers problem. Why? Because now you as the rescuer will be taking responsibility for your part in the game! The blamers gets satisfaction for not taking responsibility for their life along with the boost of power and control they feel they have over you when you do fix their problem. The rescuer gets satisfaction for being the hero and solving the problem.
If you are at the point now in your life of rolling your eyeballs in disgust because here comes another problem to be fixed, then you are well aware that it is time to change things! Where do you start? Yourself. You can use positive affirmations. Write them down on some index cards and carry them with you, put them beside your night stand, hang them above the kitchen sink, on the mirror in the bathroom and even stick them in your visor of your car! You can also change your thought pattern by replacing a negative thought with a positive one whenever they creep in. Once you become aware of your thoughts you will be amazed at how much negativity is hanging around up there having a pity party! Another method is going into a slight meditative state and re-programming your mind with positive beliefs and positive thoughts. Visualization is also very effective. You can visualize yourself with the desired outcome of resolving the issue at hand. Not fixing the person’s problem, but resolving the issue between yourself and the blamer. Hard feelings, how you will handle it, how you see them re-acting to you, etc.
Throughout our history, there have been many great, wise people from all walks of life that carry the same basic understanding: what we believe we will somehow create. This is so much more powerful and truthful than once thought! We truly are the creators of our life! The continual thoughts flowing through our minds is the projection of our soon to be reality! Regardless if the thoughts are positive or negative, what you think, you will create! James Allen once said, “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” Maitri Upanishad says that everything that happens in our own world is a reflection of how we think. “One’s own thought is one’s world. What a person thinks is what he becomes.” We are powerful beings, waking up to the true potential of who we really are. Be aware of what thoughts you allow to stay in mind. Your future is being created by you and only you!
I remember reading a study a while ago. In this particular experiment, they had ten ‘average’ people dress the same and line up in front of a panel of convicted robbers. Five of these ‘average’ people had low self-esteem, had fears of being attacked by someone and no self-confidence. The other five ‘average’ people had high self-esteem, didn’t carry any thoughts of being attacked and were very confident. The panel of criminals knew none of this information. They were asked to pick three people they would choose to be their next victim by appearance only. Each criminal picked three out of the five low self-esteem category! Why am I telling you this? Your thoughts are energy. What you think is sent out. For these particular people, their thoughts are projecting I am a victim. The criminal picks up the signal and targets that person. Even though these thoughts were fearful and not something they wanted to happen, it happened because they were thinking it. They created it. Powerful! This is what I would classify as a fatal attraction! These attractions occur daily through this hidden language of energy/thought. Granted it goes both ways, negative creation and positive creation. We interact through our energetic body, the invisible field surrounding our physical body. Our thoughts make up a part of this energetic body.
If you have the desire to change your life, regardless of what condition you want to change, change your thoughts and your belief system. Thoughts and beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world alter our perception, our hope, our energy, our health, our mood, our actions, our relationships, our entire life! Thoughts are extremely powerful and creative. The example above was a negative one, now imagine how powerful you can be if you change your thoughts to positive ones. Attracting wealth, great health, vitality, love, positive relationships, the list is endless! It is yours to create as you are the creator, so start creating joy and the perfect life you have always wanted today!
What kind of thoughts are you allowing to create your life?
If you have any questions regarding this article or need some help via coaching/counseling please feel free to email me at email@example.com