I have found myself inspired to write on this topic on more than one occasion…. All of us, at some point in our lives have felt the desperate inner turmoil and confusion that comes from feeling that we have been “wronged” or betrayed in some way. You fight to understand what is wrong with a person to have done such a thing, or to be such a way. You wonder what may be wrong with you …. Have I deserved such treatment? Am I just completely naïve? I am too trusting. I have loved too deeply, and now I am paying for it. The list of inner chatter goes on and on as we try to make sense of our lives.
Maybe the lack of forgiving per say is not your issue – maybe it’s that you have forgiven time and time again, only to continually set yourself up for victimization. Your sense of self -esteem, your sense of trust in yourself, your personal power has been chipped away – bit by bit.
As you well know, the consequences of that inner turmoil run quite deep. On one end of the spectrum your life can become filled with resentment and anger. You may begin to withhold your true self from your family and friends – as a basic survival instinct, keeping yourself safe becomes a priority. On the other end of the spectrum- you may sense the undercurrent of hurt only arises at times – but none the less is like a rock under the carpet of your life…waiting to be tripped over and always unsettling.
Forgiveness – whether it be forgiving yourself or others – is a major piece of the puzzle as we look at the elements necessary to create a prosperous and abundant life. It is too often over looked as one of the blocks to your success. Why? Because we think that our feelings are justified when a wrong has been done to you. When we are justified, nothing needs changing right? You SHOULD feel this way. Maybe, if you want to keep your level of abundance and prosperity exactly where it is at.
Let me say that again… nothing needs changing and forgiveness doesn’t need to happen – IF you are happy with how you feel inside. Nothing needs changing IF you are pleased with the amount of personal and financial abundance you presently experience. Nothing needs changing IF you feel that you are completely free.
What I want to make clear in this discussion is that, yes, you certainly are “justified” in feeling the way you do – always – whether we are talking about forgiveness or any other issue. Your feelings are always valid. They are always your experience. They are always right, and you have the right to choose how you will feel. You are at choice, and your choices work for you – they protect you. I am not here to tell you that your feelings are wrong.
BUT it is important to acknowledge that you have the power to choose your feelings…and if they resonate in a way that is not alignment with your highest good – and what you want for your life…(abundance and prosperity on all levels) – then you get to choose something different!
So, as it relates to your sense or experience of prosperity – forgiveness is a must. If you do not choose forgiveness, you may be choosing the lack of it, which translates into anger, resentment, fear, frustration, etc. These emotions are not in alignment with the energy and emotion of abundance…which is love.
The consequences of that state mostly hurt you. Anger, inability to trust others, inappropriate setting of boundaries, perceived sense of righteousness, development of extreme or high expectations of self or others, inability to move toward intimacy, pain, hurt, anxiety, depression, and fear – again just to name a few. Simply put, all of these feelings are states negativity, which resonate with a scarcity consciousness.
What I know to be true, is that our outer world is a direct reflection of our inner world. If you feel and live in a state of prosperity consciousness and love, your outer world will be an expression of many riches….not only financial, but your sense of peace and happiness, the state of your relationships, your health. If you live in scarcity consciousness, fear, and lack and negativity– that is what will manifest in your outer world.
If you come from a place of prosperity consciousness, which is all about love, feeling good, bliss, appreciation, and connection to your higher self, you will begin to attract more prosperity that you ever thought possible.
How can you be connected – truly connected – if you haven’t forgiven yourself for your mistakes, forgiven your friends and family for theirs?
How has scarcity manifested in your own life? Can you identify areas in your life that lack forgiveness, or that carry the undercurrent of negativity and jam up your flow of prosperity?
Here is the hard part. HOW do I forgive? Although each person is different – here is a basic recipe for forgiveness. And by that I mean true forgiveness – not the kind of forgiveness that you just pretend that you have forgiven! It’s a true shift.
8 Principles of Forgiving
1. Know that forgiveness is a choice, and even a skill. You weren’t born unforgiving and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about where you are in your ability to forgive at this point. Be good to yourself and honor where you are.
2. Start with a forgiveness inventory. Have you ever gone through the process of consciously forgiving? What worked for you? What didn’t? Ask yourself what you get out of keeping the pain, hurt or anger. Like it or not, there is a payoff. (safety, be right, etc!)
3. Become very clear about the fact that forgiveness is about moving from fear (scarcity consciousness) to love (prosperity consciousness). What do you think fear, anger and resentment can accomplish? (not much) What do you think love can accomplish? (anything!!) How does this resonate within you? What choice are you going to make about this?
4. Accept the fact that you can not change others – only yourself. Within that, accept that you can change yourself at any moments time. Its called a “shift”. Practice shifting into love and away from fear, resentment, and negativity. Note that when you practice or pretend it becomes easier in real life after awhile.
5. Know that forgiveness is not about minimizing your pain or others actions, or staying in a situation that does not honor YOU, for example an abusive job or relationship that does heal or evolve. It’s about a conscious choice to let go – for you and your highest good, or the highest good of all. It’s the absence of resentment, anger, blame, and judgment. It’s the choice release and make choices that are in alignment with the peace and prosperity that you want to create. It’s about freeing yourself…and opening possibilities – whether it be in your finances, your relationships, or health.
6. Release it. Design a forgiveness ritual – one that feels good to you. Burn a candle. Write unsent letters. Vent in writing, and literally put your feelings on the page. You are in charge of how much you will let yourself spin and vent. Keep perspective here. Know that what you focus on grows, so don’t spend to much time on the negativity of it all then move forward in “lightness” and love. Choose a better thought – such as, I choose to release and forgive, I choose to put myself first, I choose to honor myself. If you think you have forgiven and you still feel resentment, then you have not forgiven. Ask yourself, am I willing to release this? When? (perhaps now?) Keep asking and keep releasing.
7. Know that you can not heal your own pain by refusing to forgive others. Honor yourself by starting to forgive and let go. It’s good for your body and soul. Carolyn Myss says, “Your biography becomes biology…” Come to understand that most of the time people are not out to intentionally hurt you – but it is usually about their own fears, issues, and pain when actions are taken and offenses made. You don’t need to hold onto their wrongdoings – or have it eventually become your own biology…ouch, not worth it!
8. See people for the perfect souls they are…souls that were created from the source of love and all that is. I ask you….would it be hard to forgive the source of all love, the love that we all are? Nope. If you choose to be in this soft space, forgiveness becomes much easier.
Choosing forgiveness is the first step. You need not rush the process, for learning how to forgive and using that in your life is a key prosperity, peace, and spiritual growth.