People have always looked for ways to enrich and improve their lives by
finding a friend, lover or partner. However, in our busy modern world, it can
be difficult to find time and energy to meet a partner the conventional way.
That’s why internet dating has become so enormously popular for singles all
over the world. And it’s not hard to see why. More and more people turn to
dating websites: both paid and free
dating sites, rather than traditional places like churches, social clubs
and friends’ circles.
The internet offers a fast communication system. People with a common
interest can almost immediately start messaging others looking for the same
thing. The internet is an extremely time saving, cost effective, economical
and anonymous medium. You don’t have to a be rich, high profile movie star
or a well known sports person to be on the internet and meeting people.
Everyone is equal in cyberspace, and everyone has an equal chance to succeed.
That is, if you know how!
It all comes down to knowledge and expertise. No matter how great and trendy
the technology is, it is you who has to make use of the knowledge, and only
you can take the initiative. Technology only helps us, as a means to make
dating services quicker and often cheaper than what was once possible.
Online dating success is more likely when you have polished practical
communication skills. There is no single solution for effective online
conversation with another person. In the article that follows, I’ve listed
some important points to get you started. And of course the more points you
follow, the more you will succeed at internet dating.
Let’s start with your own profile on an internet dating website (most dating
websites require that you set up a ‘profile’ about yourself, to display to
others who are searching for someone). What you’ve written in your profile’s
self-description is very important.
You may start a great online conversation with someone you like, but if they
look at your profile and see a clumsy presentation (like thousands other
profiles), I guarantee the conversation will not last long!
A poorly-written profile gives the impression that you’re not serious about
dating. And remember, you profile doesn’t have to be 100% honest. There is a
difference between being honest and being careful about the information you
present. Be honest about your best personal qualities, but not about personal
details such as telephone number, address, workplace and so on. Share that
private information with your online friend later, when you trust them more.
There are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ dating website profiles. But there are ‘
effective’ and ‘ineffective’ ones! If you are on a dating site and about to
write your own profile, work hard to create one of the effective ones. All it
takes is few extra minutes of thinking, and some planning. Actual writing
time will be the same, whatever profile you write (effective or ineffective).
A few extra minutes can therefore make a world of difference.
Your description should be a pleasing combination of funny and unique. Humor
nearly always attracts someone’s attention, and the more you can describe
your unique character, the better. And the profile should not be too long, or
too short. And be particular. For example, don’t write ‘I love expensive
cars’ but ‘I’m interested in Ferraris and Porsches’. Being more specific
about interests and hobbies will invite further discussion from people
viewing your profile). It’s a good idea to create your profile in a word
processor first, and use that software’s ‘spell check’ feature. People expect
to read well-written descriptions with good English and correct spelling.
Think about your profile’s title. The title is the part of your profile that
people first see when searching a dating website. It’s like a personal ‘
headline’ about you. A bad title might be: ‘horny stud is looking for a sexy
chick’. A catchy title: ‘Skydiving accountant looking for a down-to-earth
Contact someone whose profile has no picture or/and description – don’t
underestimate this. You have far less competition when communicating with
people who have blank profiles. People with complete profiles get lots of
messages, so consider contacting people without pictures or a complete
Profiles with picture and a description – these require a different strategy
and approach. You will need more patience and persistence, because you are
competing with many other messages for this person’s attention.
Be smart and use the information from the other person’s profile as your
starting point for a message to them. Find out from their profile what they
like most. Follow-up on what they like, as a conversation starter. It could
be their new mobile phone or music album, or even a favourite holiday
location or restaurant that you are also familiar with.
It’s also a good idea to ask intelligent questions that avoid a simple ‘yes’
or ‘no’ reply. Try to make the other person express their opinion on a topic.
Instead of asking something like: “Do you like ABCD band?” try this: “What do
you think about ABCD’s last hit?”
Use jokes appropriately. Avoid saying something funny/offensive about well-
know people, unless you are 100% sure the other person has a similar view. Be
creative and add some funny sentences to your messages. This will keep your
online friend attracted to you, and they will want to continue the
Don’t wait for other people to contact you. Make an effort to start a
conversation with someone whose profile caught your eye.
Be determined to achieve your goal. Start by making a realistic plan, perhaps
breaking it into measurable steps first. Approach online dating with a
positive attitude. Something like: ‘I will only leave this particular dating
site when I’ve met someone I really like.’
Write individualised messages to people you contact. Don’t send impersonal,
generic or ready-made messages. People spot these right away, usually by the
way text mis-aligns in your message (text that has been copied and pasted has
different alignment). Or by content that might not be relevant to their
Write a few sentences in your messages. Don’t just say ‘hi, how are you? or ‘
hi, you look gorgeous!’ People receive lots of short messages, and they won’t
be impressed if you send yet another one.
Avoid writing long messages. It can annoy people as much as short one. It’s a
mistake to write a long message containing everything you want to say. Bear
in mind what the other person wants to hear! An overly long or self-indulgent
message will often not receive a reply.
Show the person you chatting with that you care about them. It will put you
in a better position than other candidates. Do this by being empathetic, and
interested in their life.
Contact one person at a time. Doing this means you’ll be more prepared, and
more focused. If you’re more prepared, you’re more likely to receive a reply,
which could lead to a ongoing conversation online.
Always have your best photos displayed in your profile. Update them regularly.
Make sure there are a few of them. At least one must be a recent portrait.
One full-length photo is also a good idea. It’s a bonus if you’re smiling in
the photos! Having photos online will considerably increase traffic and
therefore your chances of meeting someone. People often reluctant to contact
somone without a photo.
Be prepared to follow-up on every message you send. If the person you’re
contacting hasn’t replied in a few days, write another message, and keep it
friendly. Don’t be demanding. Tell the person you’re waiting for a reply and
you’d like to hear from them, so you can hear whether they are not interested
in you, or not. Don’t keep sending further messages if you don’t receive a
reply to your second message. Some people will only send a reply IF they are
interested in you. If you don’t hear from someone, you can assume it is a ‘no’
The last and one of the most important tip is never give up. This is easier
said than done! Remember that persistence brings success – there are no
shortcuts. Keep in mind that online dating does work – many people have met
their marriage partner from dating websites.
Follow the above tips to increase your chances of online dating success. Once
you gain experience and polish, you will definitely see results. Happy dating!