At one time or another and maybe in some people’s cases all the time we’ve dreamed about dating a rich guy or gal. You know the successful lawyer or doctor or the on the edge entrepreneur. It’s that perfect scene we play in our head that allows us to see things just the way we want them to be but in reality dating a professional single may not be quite so picture perfect. Now I don’t mean that in a negative sense I mean that more in a realistic, scheduling, goal reaching, aggressive personality sense.
What is a professional single?
I guess in technical terms it would be any single person who holds a “white collar” job. A business owner, a executive, a doctor, a lawyer, I think you get the idea. Someone who probably has a college degree, maybe several, someone who is driven to succeed, who probably enjoys the finer things in life, who doesn’t like excuses but relishes results. A person who wants to make the most out of their professional life. They are not satisfied with a 9 to 5 career but are instead looking for every opportunity to succeed as far as they can in their given field. Does that make them a bad person? Does that make them a person who cares for no one but themselves? Hardly, in fact the world needs driven individuals like a professional single. Can you imagine where we would be if the Romans had not had so many driven people or if the Egyptians had decided that thinking big was too much? I’m not trying to get into a history lesson or morality debate here, I’m just showing what a person who is trying to get the most out of themselves can do. A single professional is certainly a person trying to get the most out of themselves.
What are the downfalls to dating a professional single?
Like any relationship involving two people you will always have downfalls so don’t be under the impression that dating a professional single will be any better or worse than dating the non-professional single. Those factors lie more in who the person is not what their career is. I mean if you date a jerk, you date a jerk. Whether he has on a $1500 suit or a pair of Levi Overalls, he’s a jerk. OK, so what are the downfalls to dating a professional single?
Time away from home – This means time away from you
The job is always on their mind – You might be out on the perfect dinner date but if a big deal is in the works you should not be surprised if the cell phone rings and it’s answered.
Perfectionism – They may not be the tidiest person or remember to bring flowers but in some way all highly driven professionals are perfectionists
Job is first – Can you play second fiddle? Although this may not be true in every sense but in many ways the job will come first.
How to avoid the downfalls of dating a professional single.
Time away from home – Of course they’re going to be going to the office everyday, maybe out of town once a week or more and maybe even over a weekend in fact if they are very driven, you can expect all of these and more. Late hours, early mornings, numerous days in which you may not see each other and might not even speak one on one. The remedy? Communicate. Have an ongoing calendar, it won’t be perfect as things change but it’s one tool in communicating. If you can see a schedule it will help you understand what’s going that week or day. Always talk once a day. Both of you must be committed to speaking to each other daily. It might be for only 5 minutes at 2 a.m. but it will make a difference.
The job is always on their mind – In every persons professional career especially early on they are given responsibility to get the job done. This may entail them following up on every detail at all hours of the day and night. You must understand that this is part of working your way to the top and even more importantly the professional you are dating must understand that although they might have to take a call at dinner they should keep it as brief as possible and let their colleagues know that a call should only be made if it is extremely important or critical in nature. Communication once again plays a role in the relationship, for all parties involved.
Perfectionism – How hard is it to be perfect? Well since no one that I’ve ever met is, it must be impossible. That being said we probably all have idiosyncrasies that some would consider a trait of perfectionism. Professional singles are no different, they must have details or actions within their jobs that require perfectionism otherwise the product or service they produce would be substandard which is not the mark of a successful professional. Take the perfectionism in stride and recognize you probably have some traits that drive your partner nuts. Identify, recognize and adapt. Those three words will go along way in helping you and him or her overcome your faults.
The job is first – Ouch, how can someone put something before me? Guess what, this happens whether the person is a professional single or a everyday man. Something’s always going to be important to someone and there may come a time when they have to choose you over that activity or function. Although this is a very black and white statement the truth is there is no easy answer for this question. In the case of a job you would have to look at each incident to determine the worth. For example if you had a date planned at 7 and you get a call at 6:45 that something came up at work it’s ok to be upset but more importantly you need to judge the moment. Without being a nagger you should find out what is so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow, if the answer is valid then you must put it in context with the relationship overall. You knew going in that the career of the person was a big part of their life so you should accept that with that commitment to career comes some sacrifice on your end. However if you find out the reason for the cancellation is not a 911 emergency but a 411 pizza call then you should re-assess the person immediately. This would be a case of someone who is not honest, respectful or committed to having a relationship.
Let’s summarize: Dating a professional single will probably entitle you to a lifestyle that leans towards the finer things in life and would probably ensure a future of financial stability and a golden retirement. Dating a professional single will also bring you many hours of you time, interrupted plans and until those retirement years a backseat to the demands of a successful career. If you are a person that can see a person for what they are and accept them for those strengths and faults and if that person meets what you deem as the perfect mate then dating a professional single is probably the best thing you will ever do.
Dating A Friends Ex-Boyfriend-True Friends Should Beware
Dating a friends ex-boyfriend can be a tricky thing to accomplish. If you handle it right the three of you can remain friends. If you handle it wrong, someone’s gotta go. If you are honest about your feelings for him to your girlfriend then she may very well be understanding when the subject comes up, especially if they broke up amicably. If their break up was just this side of a nuclear holocaust then she may feel a little differently.
No matter how the break up went, she may not want you dating a friends ex-boyfriend anyway. I think if you were the friend you say you are then you should respect her wishes and steer clear of him especially if they just did break up. If you were the cause of the break up then I guess it would be ok to continue to see him, just know that you have probably lost a friend.
If their break up happened months or even a year ago then talk to her about what you want. If the two of you can come to some understanding of the whole situation then maybe she could see her way clear to being ok with the two of you dating. Every one is different and the two of you may be a better match than he and she were. Time will tell.
She will also come to know that you are respectful enough of her feelings to come to her and talk this possible sticky situation through before it gets sticky. I know you have seen the cell phone commercial with the two guys on the ski lift and the one asks the other if he would mind if he asked his ex out? The one who is the ex says no but then gets jealous of the conversation she starts having with the new guy and the ex throws the cell phone off the ski lift. Do not lose your friend or your phone. Be discreet and do not hurt anyone’s feelings
She may be more agreeable to you two dating and having a relationship if she is happy in her own relationship. Like I said if the relationship just ended then steer clear for a while, do not be the rebound relationship. They rarely ever work and then there is just more hurt to spread around. So, make sure their relationship is really over before jumping in the fray.
If your friend and the ex move in the same circles then you are all bound to run into each other and this may get a little awkward. Right at the beginning you may want to frequent different places until your relationship is on better footing then start going to the places you always go. When you all run into each other this should soften the blow somewhat.
Be aware of her feelings, when she does see two you together for the first time she may feel a little jealous and old feelings may come flooding back. Maybe some feelings she does not really want to experience at this moment. So just be discreet until she gets used to the whole idea of you dating a friends ex-boyfriend.
Dating A Jokester
One of the qualities that many women look for in a potential romantic partner is the ability to laugh. It’s a great thing when someone can laugh at themselves and make some truly funny jokes to ensure that anyone around them will also be laughing. However, there can be a problem if a guy is so into being funny that it’s like he never experiences a serious moment. He can be hot, sexy and everything else that you would ever want in a guy, but if all he does is crack jokes, how can you be certain of how he really feels about you?
First of all, decide if he really does have all of the qualities that you require in the ideal man for you. If he’s easy on the eyes, that’s certainly a factor that counts near the top of the list. How does he treat you? Does he take you to nice places on dates? Does he remember important days such as your birthday? Is he someone you can depend upon if you need comfort? All of those things also matter.
Now, let’s look at that joking thing. Does he make jokes at inappropriate times? Can you have sex without him cracking jokes the whole time? That can actually be very annoying, not to mention a real mood killer. What about when he starts laughing at other times that are meant to be romantic? That’s probably going to get on your nerves pretty quickly. You can’t forget those physical types of jokes, either. These fall into the area of sneaking up on you when you’re in the shower and playing Norman Bates while you scream and flail around. Maybe he tends to poke you in the backside every time you bend over for some reason. That’s not any fun when you get to the point that you’re afraid to shower or bend over to pick something up.
If you’re still convinced that he’s the one for you in spite of these ongoing comedy routines, it’s time to sit him down and have a very open and honest conversation about how all of his jokes are affecting your relationship. Tell him that, while you do appreciate his sense of humor, you also need to have those times when things are NOT funny, such as romance and sex. He needs to understand how it makes you feel when you’re engaging in a very intensely personal moment and he feels the need to crack a joke.
It’s very possible that you can make him see your point of view and find a way to be more humor appropriate. If he still seems to have trouble with his timing, it may be that you need to look into why he feels the need to be so funny all the time. There could be some insecurity that he’s trying to hide behind the laughter and the jokes. Lots of talking may be needed to get to the bottom of it and he may even get some benefit from speaking to a professional.
All isn’t lost just because he likes to make jokes all the time. A little patience may be all it takes.
If you are finding a safe portal for meeting other people for dating, Christian online dating is your answer! Most people consider online dating as an option in getting to know other people outside of their circle. The Christian community now utilizes this current trend of communication to widen their reach and to create a fun-loving environment.
Through the Internet, you can search thousands of other Christian profiles and get to know each one online. There’s a vast Christian network that has varied interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. You can check out their profiles and you may even find one that you like. Christian online dating has proved to be very effective for most people who participate with friendships and often blooms into serious relationships.
Christian online dating provides a very comfortable environment and is considered safe. The online dating community is a place where you can create lasting relationships for acquaintance, friendship, companionship, romance, and can even lead to a permanent commitment.
Normally, a Christian online dating website should include chat rooms where you can have fun discussions. You can also post memos and notes on message boards and share pictures with photo galleries. And of course, you can send personal messages to private mail boxes. Many dating websites also feature instant messaging and voice introductions for a more personal touch. Some of the Christian websites even offer Christian dating services aside from online matching.
In a Christian online dating site, the center is spirituality. You include faith in your search for a mate. Most people go to a Christian community for dates because they prefer to have somebody within their faith. People here believe they have filtered out the dates with people who may not share the same set of values.
In fact, mellow people usually belong to this group of online daters. They are those who dislike too much loud music, bar hopping, and disco dancing. Most dates here end in a cozy restaurant or a sweet music place. Although this is not necessarily true all the time, it can be frequently observed on date outcomes based on testimonials.
It is better to date with someone sharing your beliefs because it would be more reassuring than starting with somebody who does not share the same principles. If you are joining a Christian online dating site, you’ll know what you can expect. And as implied, the online society is Christ-centered. And by association, Christ is all pure love and kindness. If you join the group, this indicates you support Christian values and standards. Meeting the love of your life could be a possibility!
Dating A Woman How To Become More Confident
Do you know how to become more confident when dating a woman? Do you feel that she has the upper hand because you have some basic insecurities? Do you wish that you could present the same air of self assuredness that she does? Here�s a guide to how to become more confident when dating a woman.
1. Show that you care about her. When you are dating a woman, she needs to know that you really care about her. A confident man can date beautiful women. But, you want your girlfriend to know that she is more than a sex object to you. You want her to know that she is special. Part of how you do this is to listen to her and respond to her needs. Buy her trinkets and flowers � they don�t have to be expensive � to show her that you are thinking of her even when she is not around. These little things really add up.
2. Be good friends. If you are truly confident around a woman you are dating, you can be friends with her. Sure, the passion is there. But you don�t spend 24/7 in bed. Spend time becoming great friends and you will have a great relationship. Part of this is to do some of the things she finds interesting, even if they wouldn�t top the list of things you would do on your own. Friends make these kinds of compromises for each other.
3. Talk about what you find attractive in the other. Set aside some time to spend talking about why you find the other person such a great catch. This is a true ego booster! Before you propose doing this, take some time to come up with some really good reasons you love her. Women tend to be better at this sort of thing off the cuff, so be prepared ahead of time. When dating a woman, you are sure to find some things you like and love about her. Think about them. Then, after you share, she will too. What an ego � and confidence �booster.
4. It�s about how you carry yourself. Many men don�t understand what confidence is. They confuse it with arrogance. But confidence is simply the assurance that you can act properly in any given circumstance. It doesn�t mean that you have the ego the size of one of Jupiter�s moons. A confident man can go into a situation where he is underdressed and not let it phase him. He simply makes the right moves to fit in despite the fact that his clothes don�t match the occasion.
5. Your ambition appeals to her need for security. Ultimately, we have to get down to why women want a confident man. Women have a biological drive to date men who will provide well for their offspring. A confident man projects the aura that he will be able to financially secure a woman�s children. While this is not going on at a conscious level, it�s running there in the background of all relationships. So, when dating a woman, give her every reason to think you�ll take care of the kids � even if neither of you are thinking about becoming parents any time soon.
So there you have it. When dating a woman, confidence is your most powerful tool.
Dating A Woman With Kids- Is It For You
Dating on its own can make a person nervous but dating a woman with kids has a whole lot more involved. You don’t only need to be concerned about whether the woman likes you but you also want to make an impression on her kids. The relationship is not just between you and the woman but it is also between you and her children.
Women without children will usually find it much easier to find dates than a single mom would. In fact, there are many men that will not date a woman because she has children and they don’t want the issues that children can bring. Because single mom’s can find it difficult to get a date they may be more eager to date someone that is interested in them. You do need to remember though that she needs to give her children the time and attention that they need which means she may have less time for dating. You will need to work around her children’s needs as her kids will always be her first priority.
Many single mothers also work full time, and then of course they have the kid’s sports and other after school activities to attend, so there isn’t often much time left for a social life. You may need to be prepared to see her when she can fit you in around her hectic schedule, don’t expect to call her and tell her you are on your way around to take her out to dinner – your dates will need to be planned and scheduled in advance. It may be that she has one free night a week and this may be the only night that she can go out on a date with you.
A good mother won’t want to bring a succession of men into her kid’s lives so she may not want to introduce you to her children until the relationship has developed a bit further. Her kids are her priority and the most important thing in the world to her and she doesn’t want them getting hurt if a man was to come into their life and then leave. She will only want you to get to know her kids if she feels secure in your future together so you may be dating for six months or so before you get to meet the kids. Not all children will be happy with their mother dating someone other than their father so it could be a struggle for a little while to overcome such obstacles.
Even though these are not your children, if you intend to have a long term relationship with their mother then you need to get to know them well and build a good relationship with them. Younger children are reasonably easy to build a relationship with if you spend time playing with them or throwing the ball to them, while older children will be a little more difficult.
Most children will carry a hope that their parents will get back together and they may see you as a threat to that fantasy. There will be some resistance to you having a role in their mom’s life. Then there are other obstacles like having authority over the children. Although they are not your children you will still need some authority over them. They may not like that at first and tell you that you are not their dad and so cannot tell them what to do. You should discuss authority with their mother as she needs to feel comfortable with your authority over her children too.
You may want to spend some time on weekends going on family outings and getting to know the children better. Going to the park, swimming pool or the beach can all help you to have a good time and enjoy yourself getting to know one another. Family outings can be more expensive than just dating a single woman without children.
The sexual relationship with a single mom can also be a bit tricky as the woman may be reluctant to have you staying over as she doesn’t want to send the wrong message to her children. She may also find it difficult to stay over your place if she can’t get anyone to look after her kids.
When dating a woman with kids you need to be prepared that it will be much different to dating a woman without kids. Her children are her priority and you need to understand and accept to have a good relationship with her. You also need to keep in mind that you may become quite attached to her children and if you breakup with this woman you don’t only lose her, but you lose her children too, which can be quite heartbreaking.
Today’s question is from one of our readers who wishes to stay anonymous; we’ll call him Bill. Read the question again. Notice how Bill is already convinced that the younger woman he seeks will not be interested in someone his age. This is a self fulfilling belief which is virtually guaranteed to come true. If you believe deep down that you’re going to fail, then you will.
The real answer.
In short, yes, you can absolutely find a younger woman that’s right for you. You just need to set your target, take action, and stay the course.
How can you get started in the right direction?
First, take a look deep down inside and figure out exactly why you want to meet a younger woman. And then think about what this perfect woman would be like. Describe her in as much detail as you possible can. Then, write it down on a piece of paper. List her age, physical appearance, personality traits, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc. Once your have described the perfect woman for you in great detail, fold up that piece of paper and carry it with you for 1 week.
Imagine that you are already with her. What will you do? What will you talk about? Where will you go? REALLY feel it and get into the emotion of it — How will you feel when you are with her? All of this may sound silly, but do you know that by simply writing down what you want, you increase your chances of getting it by 80%!
Just think about that one for a minute…
Social stigmas and why do you care?
You don’t. Our society is full of social stigmas. We’re so busy being concerned about “what others will think” that we we’re afraid to pursue our own dreams. Yes, many people love to pass judgment on others, but that’s their choice and their right. Why they do it is a larger topic for another day, but it’s really not important here. No one else can possibly know what’s right for you, so why listen to them?
A wise person once said, “What someone else thinks about you is none of your business”.
Is it true that most women want someone around their own age?
This is completely untrue! Fact is, each of us has different and unique wants and needs. Your goal and single focus should be finding the perfect woman for you. Period.
5 easy tips for attracting and dating younger women.
Younger women are often attracted to traits like maturity (like their daddy), more money and higher social status, masculinity, leadership abilities, confidence, and composure, so it’s important for you to focus on whichever of these traits you possess.
1) Be yourself.
When older guys meet a younger woman they often get nervous and start to act really weird. Don’t do this — just be yourself.
2) Keep it light and fun..
Be playful. Have fun. Tease her. She hasn’t forgotten what it’s like to play and goof around. It’ll do you some good to remember not to take life so seriously. Be a little crazy and opt for things that younger guys generally can’t afford to do. Go ahead. Enjoy yourself.
3) Be the leader. Be the man..
Younger women are most likely looking for someone to take the lead. They have less experience in life and are most likely looking for someone to show them what’s out there. Make your date and other plans ahead of time, but be sensitive and ask her opinion of the plans that you have already made. (She may be allergic to sushi). Be a man, yet respect her opinion. Opening doors, walking on the outside of the curb, and pulling out chairs is another way to make a big impression on younger women.
4) Don’t act like a “perv”..
Most attractive young women have been hit on by some lame, perverted older guy. Don’t try to move in too soon or she’ll think you’re just a “perv” looking to get into her pants. When your alone together, it’s OK to flirt, but let her pursue you for anything further. Otherwise you may scare her away.
5) Give her some space..
Younger women have probably just gotten out of their parent’s house with very structured lives and zero freedom. If she’s attracted to you, it’s not because you’re re-creating the suffocating environment that she just left… it’s because you represent something different. Give her some space. Be the man that she’s always dreamed about, and then don’t chase her. Let her come to you.
Stay tuned, more soon…
We encourage our readers to send us their most pressing online dating or relationship questions. If you haven’t told us your question yet, go to AskDanAndJennifer.com and do it now.
Dating after a divorce is tough. You don’t quite know where to start so here are a few internet dating mistakes and their solutions.
1. Too much too soon
So you have been ploughing through those endless profiles on your internet dating site and have come up with someone who interests you. There has been an exchange of emails. He sounds fun and witty and you begin to look forward to his messages. You find yourself getting up earlier in the morning just to log on whilst you drink your coffee to see if he has sent a response to your latest remarks. During the day you compile witty replies in your head and suggestive lines to throw his way. This has gone on for a couple of weeks and he suddenly asks if he can call you. Your chest expands; you are really excited and arrange a time. Now you are curled up in your favourite chair waiting for the call. Guess what it goes well, the same light banter, his voice is not what you expect but that is OK. You talk for an hour. This becomes a daily ritual
which you begin to plan your time around. And then he invites you to dinner…
2. Throwing money at it
It has been a while since someone invited you out to dinner (you may be just starting dating after your divorce). Your immediate thought is what to wear, need my hair done etc. This means that you spend the best part of a week running around with the one thought in your mind “I must get this rigt”. You seem to have disappeared and you feel that you need to invent a new person to go on this date. In order to be that person you have to package yourself in some particular way. There must be some key that you can find, a particular dress, new haircut etc. You believe that you need to make yourself more appealing.
3. Thinking that you know the person
The evening has arrived and you meet at the arranged restaurant (good step, as all the dating advice recommends that you meet in a public place). You are especially nervous and excited but also slightly uncomfortable because the shoes are new and you feel a bit wobbly in them. It is strange you recognise this person but at the same time you don’t. The voice you know that but he does not look like the person in the photograph, taller, shorter a bit heavier or gangly something is not as you imagined. Anyway he seems quite at ease but maybe that is just a contrast to how you are feeling. Initially conversation is going well as there are points of contact from your previous conversations but it isn’t going anywhere. By the main course you are starting to drink a little too much to fill in the silences. Your feet really hurt now and you are taking surreptitious glances at your watch – only 9 o’clock. No dessert thanks and by the way you have an early start in the office tomorrow so you have to go soon. Can’t think of anything but getting out of the shoes. Yes it was good, do call me…
4. Fantasy – it’s only in your head
Next day or later in the week, the emails/calls are still coming and you continue to respond. It’s a though you have never met and you can get on with the easy going repartee that has become almost a habit. In your mind he is something you want him to be, well not quite but you can have yourself believe that he is whilst you exchange messages and late night calls. You are starting to develop a whole life in your head around this person, you imagine where you can live with him, what you will do, holidays together in fact everything you ever want witsomeone. This is taking up a lot of head space but that is enjoyable in itself, you feelconnected to someone if only in your mind.
5. Not paying attention to the signals
A week or so more and you are becoming slightly irritated by the emails and are not responding quite so readily. But he asks you if you want to come out for another evening and that heart leaps to your throat again. You agree even though there is a vague memory of discomfort from th first meeting. Well you remind yourself that all the dating advice recommends that it is about getting to know someone. I can’t expect to feel comfortable about everything immediately. He is suggesting dinner again, you don’t really want to but you are not sure what you want to do so you go along with it. You had arranged to see a girl-friend that night but you tell her you can’t make it, she seems a bit put-out but you put that thought aside.
The second evening seems very long.
Too much too soon – It is so tempting to put all your focus on one person at a time when you are looking to date on the internet. But it is important to remember that not only are all those people out there looking at numerous people at any one time but you could be too. If you put most of your time and energy into any one contact at a very early stage this means that you cannot scout, screen and sort other possible people. Dating Advice: Don’t make a big investment emotionally in any relationship without solid foundations.
Throwing money at it – Recent research has revealed that online daters are spending up to £1,500 a month taking out people who they realise, after the first 15 minutes are not for them. (Independent, June 2005) Remember be authentic, the packaging is only that and is not who you are. Meeting for a cup of coffee or a drink will give you enough time to assess whether this person is someone you want to know better.
Dating Advice: Packaging is not the answer, be clear about who you are, what you want in a relationship and set about finding it in a considered way.
Thinking you know this person – We can easily be seduced by email conversations and late night telephone calls. Apart from the actual chemistry that is missing in these exchanges there is that part that you know very well yourself, where you just reveal what you want at any given time. If you know what your requirements are in a relationship this will help you assess quite quikly if this person is for you. Most of us allow things to just drift along and are not pro-active in having a plan for ourselves when it comes to relationships.
Dating Advice: How is it we plan for everything except relationships? Take some time to plan what you want in a relationship before you get into a habit or rut with someone.
Fantasy – it’s only in your head – It is very easy to live in the fantasy of a relationship even from a very early stage. After all that is why you have signed up on the dating site in the first place – you want a relationship. However, being truthful with yourself is easier if you have a relationship plan. Then you can ask yourself, from the information you have so far, does this person tick some of my boxes. If so then you can continue to find out more about them whilst finding out about other people at the same time. Projecting onto any one person, especially at a very early stage, all you hopes and dreams is likely to bring you some amount of pain and heartache when you find this isn’t going to work out.
Dating Advice: Spread the emotional load by giving your attention to a number of people, it helps deal with the ups and downs of the dating cycle if you are not exclusive right from the start
Not paying enough attention to the signals – it is amazing how quickly we can get ourselves into habits and relationships, however new, are one of those areas. We all like attention and contact with people but what about the rest of your life, those friends who have been around for you, your family. Anyone who might be for you will, you hope, want to share life with a person who has a balanced life and that includes all the other activities and people in your life. Straining towards exclusivity at a very early stage and throwing all your time and attention towards the relationship can be a disaster.
Dating Advice: Get out there and have any dating and relationships fit in with your life as a successful single. Know what your requirements, needs and wants are and look for someone who can meet these.