Efficient Commute

This morning, as usual, I was pressed for time. I had to be to my “9 to 5” especially early and I woke up late. Instead of rushing around more than I already had been, I thought I would take the time to finish my “getting ready for work rituals” in the car. After all, I have seen countless others in my rearview mirror and beside me in their cars do the same, so why can’t I?

As I grabbed my things, I raced out to the car and started on the 32-minute commute to work. As I was brushing my teeth, I realized, I had no place to spit out the toothpaste foam that accumulated in my mouth. So, I rolled down the window and masterfully drooled down the inside of my car. Crest and saliva dripped down the inside of my car door into the power lock and window switches. At least my car has a minty fresh scent to it. I took a swig of orange juice and remembered what vomit tasted like.

Not having a lot of time to worry about my toothbrushing experience, I figured I should do my hair next. One of the nice things about owning a Pontiac Vibe is the 110 Volt AC plug built into the car. Perfect for my wife’s hair dryer. Red lights were spaced perfectly to allow me to safely dry my hair. I wasn’t about to dry my hair with a towel in the car. That would be just dangerous. The hair paste and styling of my messy spiky hair went off without a hitch.

The final thing on my list to do before work is shave. Now, I won’t really go into a lot of detail, but I will say that this was the hardest task of my commute. I made it to work with a little time to spare and the only evidence that I was really hurried this morning was a hairdryer on the passenger seat, dried drool on the driver’s side door and shaving cream with beard stubble on the floor mats.